Dear Friends, I am reminded today of how God wants us to be broken so that we may be usable in His work. I have thought a lot about this in the long years past. I envision a vessel that God has made. Each time we have difficulties in doing His work, but we endure, God puts a tap on the circumference of the vessel. These taps, when they are all around, cause the vessel to just fall open like a flower. The pieces lay like petals, open and letting what is inside show.
If we harbor sins in our inner parts: Lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, or the pride of life, God cannot break us. We must come to the end of ourselves before we can be broken. And this is not a pleasant experience. Oh, not that we ever come to the very end of all these. But at least we can give all that we are and have to the Father. He will make us clean in our inner part if we cooperate with Him.
I have written about my nervous breakdown. It was not a good time in my life. But one thing I did learn was that I can do nothing by myself. I can’t even think right without the Father enabling me. I was as helpless as a baby.
During the first year of this time, I didn’t have a good doctor who could treat me with the meds I needed. So, I felt so lost and confused. Thank the Lord, I finally did find the right doctor in the second year of this time.
In Nov. of 1989, the second month after my breakdown, I was lying in bed about 1:00 am. I couldn’t sleep. Finally I got up and went into our spare bedroom where a small keyboard was on the floor. I sat down on the carpet and put the headphones on so I wouldn’t wake the others. I began to play notes and chords randomly on the keyboard. Soon, I heard a melody. Then words began to form in my mind. I began to put the words with the melody, and a song was born out of the cry of my spirit. At first, it was a lost, helpless plea, but in the mid-point of the song, the Holy Spirit took over. Then, I was soaring to the Father "on eagles’s wings".
I want to share this with you just for the purpose of showing how God never leaves us. We may lose sight of Him, but He never moves.
Song:
Father, where did I go astray?
How did I lose the Way?
When did I leave You?
You said, You’d always be with me,
And I believe that is true,
But I can’t find You.
Broken pieces lie scattered all over the floor;
I feel so helpless, so lost, and confused.
I don’t know where I am, or where to go from here.
All I can do now, Lord, is to wait….wait upon You…..
Help me, Father, to renew my strength;
To soar to You on eagle’s wings;
To run this race and not grow weary or faint,
For You are my Peace, and my Guide,
And I know You’re still here inside.
And You will keep me, Father, through all my days.
The ending of this song could not have been except for the voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to me. I had no hope. I didn’t have the strength to hope. But, in the time it took to write this song, God put the hope back into me. He reminded me that He is always here with us. He is always inside us by the Holy Spirit. I guess that is why I cherish His presence so much. I would never want to be without Him.
©Sandra D